Humor for the weekend

Perhaps this email forward has been around the block a time or two already, and is new only to me; nonetheless, I could not help chuckling...

TEN KEY WORDS WOMEN USE

1) Fine: The word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means 30 minutes. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it!

5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. "That's okay" means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay (dearly) for your mistake.

7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome.

8) Thanks a lot: Pure sarcasm; she does not thank you at all. Never say "you're welcome" which only will bring on a whatever.

9) Whatever: A woman's way of saying a bad word to you!

10) Don't worry about it; I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This action will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response, please refer to # 3.

So, c'mon, women (readers): Can this list possibly be true and correct...?
-- David M Gordon / The Deipnosophist