New Market Definitions

From reader (and friend), Ray Seakan, comes this list of investing definitions...

New Market Definitions:
• BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius
• BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
• CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer
• VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low... and selling lower
• P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors who wet their pants as the market continues its crash
• BROKER -- What my broker has made me
• STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell
• STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock
• STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves
• MARKET CORRECTION -- Occurs the day after you buy stocks
• CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet
• YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share
• WINDOWS -- What you jump out of when you are the sucker who bought Yahoo/YHOO @ $240
• INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Investor now locked up in a nuthouse
• PROFIT -- Archaic; no longer in use.

Thanks, Ray. I needed a good laugh!
-- David M Gordon / The Deipnosophist